Mac's Random Rants and Commentaries on Life

Unique Insight into Life's Little Mysteries (but mostly just snide critisism)

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Not New or Improved!

Hello again everybody!

I wanted to mention a new (well, maybe not so new) trend that has really been getting on my nerves lately: the use of inappropriate adjectives in reference to consumer products. Case in point: "buy our new contact lens and see the world in HD!" Or maybe you would like some new turbo-charged coffee from a certain fast food chain?

See, the reason that this gets under my skin so much is because these adjectives only apply to the technologies that they were originally intended to modify! I most certainly hope that these new contacts let you see the world in HD...because it's real life!!! And for some reason, I think you may have trouble turbo-charging your coffee-the reason being that your cup of joe is not an internal combustion engine!

All I ask is: if your want something to sound new and cool, why not modify it with something that makes sense? These marketing geniuses, however, think that it's better to use any word or phrase that sounds "impressive." I therefore offer my own idiotic products:
New digital hamburgers, extra 1's and 0's!
Better gasoline, separates good carbs from bad, thanks to the science of the glycemic index!
Hardback books in 5.1 surround sound!

You see, it just doesn't work. It does not sound clever. It is just dumb. Hope that I've enlightened someone out there...

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